you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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