Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
