You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
