So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
