Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
