Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
