i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
