You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
There's always time for handjobs
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
