I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
