Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
