Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
