i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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