her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
