oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
