I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
