just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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