Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Randomize
