I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize