she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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