I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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