Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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