Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
