every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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