Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize