don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
