Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
