I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
