I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
