I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
