you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
