I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
