ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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