4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
