im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
