I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
