Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
