Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
