I'm sorry my penis didn't work
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
