My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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