so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
