he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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