what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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