Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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