you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
vagina is talking i cant
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
