I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
