Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
