Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
