How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
