i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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