People with herpes should wear stickers.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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