is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
