The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
