Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
this is an emotional support booty call
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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