mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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