I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
