He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
