My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
