Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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