I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
