I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
