how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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