***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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