It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
