soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
