dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
