he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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