They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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