That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
