she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
