I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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