If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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