Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
