Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
