How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
