My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
