somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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