Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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