On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
