listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
