I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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