btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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